Human business!!

Cindy: Is it a dog?

Zelda: No…No chance. It is a human

Cindy: Then why Is he peeing in our spot?

Zelda: I think he has no business room in his house!

Cindy: Oh god, now we have to stand on his pee and do our business

Zelda: I prefer the plant room to do my business and this is why! See this whole place is teeming with infection.

Cindy: I like the smell of sand and even animal shit, but I draw a line with my fore- leg at human shit.

Zelda: I wish we can bite him! How dare he pee in our territory!

Cindy: My serious advice- Don’t try any such thing!

Zelda: Then I am not peeing here,

Hema: OMG! Why is he peeing here? Disgusting!

Zelda: See…SEEEEE… Even Hema agrees, I think he must be taught a lesson

Cindy: What’s on your mind?

Zelda: This is my plan, let him pee, then we bark so loudly, that throughout the time he is scared we might pounce on him. But we stop barking the minute he stops peeing.

Cindy: I am always game when I know barking is the game.

Zelda: Lets go

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO……BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWWWWW

The man tries in vain to pee fast and is visibly uncomfortable. Hema can’t stop laughing out loud( Literally!)

The minute he finishes, he rushes up the fly and runs to his bike.

Zelda: Change of plan! I so hate him, Let’s pounce on him!

The two dogs charge at the offender, as he flees away from the scene.

Maybe time for boards across the city that say ,” Only animal urine here pls!”

:P :P :P :P

Trick or treat!!

Zelda:  How about this new treat she got us?

Cindy: How about that?

Zelda: Well, dyu like it?

Cindy: Aww.. C’mon, it is food. I like all food. Food is what life is about

Zelda: ( eye roll) Every treat tastes different. I like some more than the rest.

Cindy: And why would you do that? How can you be partial to treats? To me they taste the same. And what is taste anyway?

Zelda: I somehow still am clueless as to how the same family which chose me chose you? It is like they chose two ends of a pole !

Cindy: I thought you said you were born here? Liar liar!

Zelda: Whatever don’t change the topic. Let me teach you to taste.

Cindy: This means with a treat right.. AM excited . But where are the treats?

Zelda: Lets’s ask the humans.

Zelda: oooo ( with paws in front of the human’s laptop)

Amma: No Zelda, I am not an atm. Stop begging for treats.

Zelda: oooooooo

Cindy: oooooooooooooooo

Amma: I don’t know what is wrong with these dogs. Ever hungry they are.

Hema: I will give them some chew sticks. They should be fine.

Cindy: Zelda, You are the brightest dog in the universe. You play them like a pro!!

Zelda: Tell me something that I don’t know! Anyways, Here come the treats. Don’t gobble , first take it in your front paws.

Cindy: Can’t stop drooling!!! Can’t stop drooling!!! Can’t stop drooling!!! Can’t stop drooling!!! Can’t stop drooling!!! Can’t stop drooling!!! Can’t stop drooling!!!

Zelda: Oh Lord! Lady show some dignity. First sniff it fully, take the aroma in… Let it lift your senses.

Cindy: Can’t stop drooling!!! Can’t stop drooling!!! Can’t stop drooling!!! Can’t stop drooling!!! Can’t stop drooling!!! Can’t stop drooling!!! Can’t stop drooling!!!

Zelda: Lick it nicely. Give your taste buds a preview…STOP EATING LIKE THIS CINDY!!!I AM TEACHING YOU TO ENJOY IT…TASTE IT YOU DUMB MUTT.

Cindy gobbles the treat fast..All symptoms of lady like behaviour thrown out of the window.

Zelda: I am never gonna try to teach you anything.

Cindy: You know what.. There was no taste to the treat. It is the experience of gobbling that I love.

Zelda : You are dead …

They chase each other and the fight turns in to a play…

Both collapse exhausted on the floor.

All’s well in dogsville!

Gate dog

Zelda: Gate dog is sick. There is something wrong about her.

Cindy: Sympathizing with the enemy?

Zelda: It isn’t about enemy or friendship. There is something very wrong about her.

Cindy: But Hema doesn’t take us close. She think we are still enemies.

Zelda: I guarantee you, we are enemies still. I just wonder what happened to her.

Cindy: Let us remain very quiet and good today. Chances are Hema will let us have a closer look.

Zelda: I know for a fact Hema checks on her everyday. So for a dumb dog, sometimes, you have good ideas.

Cindy: Don’t push yourself. I bite :P

Zelda: Shaddup now, here comes the gate.

Cindy: Oh she’s wearing the plastic cone of shame. Something is definitely wrong.

Zelda: She’s broken a leg. Also, see her whole belly is wounded.

Cindy: Oh my!! I feel sorry for her. Why have they tied her. She looks miserable.

Zelda: Look, she is whining , Hema will help her now.

Hema tends to the wounded dog, applies medicines.

The dog sights Zelda and Cindy & starts growling. To humans, it sounded threatening,  but in dog language it was….

Mukhi: Back off, I can’t even defend myself now. Shame on you.

Zelda: Shame on you, gate dog, we come in peace.

Cindy: Yeah, mongrel

Mukhi: Gate dog? Is that how you call me?? My name is mukhi. And I know you ladies are mongrels too.

Zelda: Mukhi? Okay, It is a truce for now. We are lending our human to take care of you.

Cindy: ( eyes welled up) Sorry Gate dog, Get well soon

They all continue their walk.

Mukhi: Silly twits …I am gonna get better and whack them.

( stifles a tear…)

hobbies with PI

Zelda, Cindy ..... Look who's here,,,PI

Zelda and Cindy rush to meet their best friend PI, He was welcomed with lick, kisses and pats on the shoulder once the sniffing exercise was complete.

As the humans settled down to drink the tasteless, tongue burning liquids, the dogs settled on the floor, happily chatting in their invisible language.

Zelda: PI, come play with me..
PI: Not interested dude...You don't play fair..You want to win always.
Zelda: Arre... what does that even mean? The best always wins..This is how dog games happen.
Cindy: Errrr....As your 24*7 playmate, you don't exactly play fair.

Zelda: Cindy....You might miss a few teeth if you continue talking like this.

PI: Whatever, lets relax..that is my hobby
Zelda: Howby? What is that.
PI: It is hobby...And it is what we do in our free time.
Zelda: What is free time..I never seem to have free time. These humans are so careless. Our den is so close to every passage and I need to be so alert to catch any wayward person who might actually be a milk man or a newspaper guy,
Cindy: Yes, those guys are very wierd. I don't understand why they need to hover around the gate if they dont want to enter...And they do it everyday.

PI: Girls!! these are trivial things. Pls cultivate a hobby... Humans will love you more
Zelda: Okay, Let me think of few hobbies..

Cindy: I have one... Barking at pigeons..Those nasty, smelly, parasites... I will bark at them till they fly back to their dens.

PI: Ermmmmmmmmmm..... Pls don't involve barking, growling or howling in your list. It will not go well with these humans.

Zelda: I have one... Meditating in front of the ice box to magically open and throw us treats. In fact I love the idea so much, I am gonna do it right away.

Cindy: I have one too... Sniffing at the window sills , I might catch a fly or two.

PI: Good girls, let us start our hobby.

A few minutes later....

Zelda: This new ice box just doesn't open...It is a boring hobby.
Cindy: All flies have run away.. It is a boring hobby too.

Zelda: Let's play tag.....
Cindy: Best hobby ever...Best hobby ever....Best hobby ever...Best hobby ever.....Best hobby ever...Best hobby ever

PI: Girls will be girls....!!!Human, let us go home!
Zelda: I love your home, Hema , let us goooo

Hema: OMG, i think they want to go out, let's go for a walk and then maybe to your plac..
PI's Hema: Sure...

All 3 dogs: Yeahhhhhhh!!!

bow wow chow

A lazy sunday afternoon, Zelda and Cindy are couch potato-ing with their humans!

Cindy: Dyu think these guys can understand our language?

Zelda: What dyu mean " Our" language? It is all one language..

Cindy: Naah... these humans speak a different language. 

Zelda: Hmm.. What dumb idea are you proposing?

Cindy: I a'int any dumber than you okay? I have these beautiful ideas and this is one of them.

Zelda: Let me be the judge of how beautiful you idea is.

Cindy: So how about teaching Hema, our human, some " dog language"?

Zelda: I am definitely not in...Not at all a good time to talk to her in dog language or whatever you choose.

Cindy: You are such a lazy dog. I am going ahead.

Zelda: Just to show that I have nothing to do with this plan, I am leaving this room.

Cindy: Whatever, spoilsport.

Cindy stares in hard concentration at her human , trying to get her attention. Bowwwwww.. she howled.

Hema: Cindy!! What is wrong with you? Can't you stay calm?

Cindy: Ooooooooo...aaaoooooo ( you are really very pretty)

Hema: There is no other dog , I don't understand why she is behaving like this!

Cindy: ( even louder) AAAOOOOOOOOOOO( I love you, Hema)

Hema: If you don't stop this now, there is no dinner and forget about your daily walk.

Cindy: Operation bow wow aborted as it takes a direct hit on my chow... Note to self, humans are dumber than dogs , cannot be trained. 

Zelda: I told you so.... :P

A nameless life!

A swanky car stopped

In exchange for me a wad of notes popped

It was love at first sight for me

I really want to believe it was the same for you

Not  just a latest itch!

We played for a while,

You found me funny

Worth your money

I enjoyed our daily walks

Thanked you for my daily food.

Suddenly you gave me a sister

A human child

I loved her more than anything

Cared for her all day…All night

One night you were overjoyed,

I didn’t understand why

As you packed your bags,

I though yeahh! Road trip!

Excitement abound, I jumped in to the car

Not knowing that I wasn’t going very far

You dropped me round the corner,

My sister’s screams could have shattered the doors

But your stony silence held them together

Waited for you for 10 years now

I am old; not your favorite puppy

I am dirty, my teeth have fallen

And my chest rumbles when I bark

I lost a leg few years ago…

Today I saw a swanky car

And rushed to meet you, my love

But Alas! It wasn’t you!

My cloudy eyes failed me..

I closed them for the last time.

My final memory of us taking a walk together

Etched in eternity.

I hate dogs!

Cindy: I hate dogs...I hate animals...Why can't we just have humans everywhere.
Zelda: Why do you have to prove over and over again that you are nothing but a dumb mutt. you must thank your lucky stars that Hema doesn't understand your gibberish, she might throw you out.
Cindy: I am an open book and I hate all dogs.
Zelda: Oh yeah, Ms. Open book, do you hate PI, Ginger, golu, Happy, Toby, Pixel? DO YOU MEAN TO SAY YOU HATE ME?
Cindy: Okay okay okay...I will change my statement. I hate some dogs.
Zelda: That is fine..Even i hate some creatures, humans and animals included.
Cindy: Humans?? You hate humans? Which human?
Zelda: You know that guy who opened the door for Hema, He was leaning too much to her and he smelt bad. I got a headache with his stink. I hate him. And the guy who tried to pelt us while walking, I hate him.
Cindy: I hate them too. OH.. I just realised i don't hate all dogs and neither do I love all humans!
Zelda: Good for you.
Cindy : I love you Zelda.
Zelda: Stop licking me
Cindy: I can't..I love you the most!
Zelda: Fine... But this doesn't mean we stop barking at gate dog.
Cindy: Is she bad?
Zelda: I don't know but let us continue to bark at her
Cindy: think of the devil, there she goes... Woooooooffffff
Zelda and Cindy bark their heads off in unison, much to the irritation of their poor humans.

Festivities and Fireworks

Cindy:  Oh my!! What in hell was that sound? Are we all dying?
Zelda: YOu would know, madam, if you would come out from your hiding place and check it out for yourself!
Cindy: Look at you! All dogs are afraid of this noise. Pi told me yesterday morning. Last year same time, he was on the street and had nowhere to hide. He had to dig a hole to muffle the noise.
Zelda: I love this experience. It really is beautiful .This strange boom is actually preceeded by a beautiful multi color flash..It is so beautiful.
Cindy: Oh strange animal, you are worse than the humans. Look at Hema flinching herself.
Zelda: you nincompoop! it is humans who are the reason for this loud noise!
Cindy: Humans are so good, you think they are doing this on purpose?
Zelda: Not all humans are good. Even after 2 broken legs, you haven't learnt that! And they are doing it doesn't make them bad. I think they don't react like us. And to top it, they are very happy and gleeful once they see the brightly lit sky!
Cindy: How do you know all this?
Zelda: I know because I am not hiding like a scaredy cat and I am enjoying the show. Actually, I don't appreciate the smell in the air. It makes me hard to breathe.
Cindy: You my lady will get lung cancer if you don't get under the cupboard right now.
Zelda: I am a warrior princess. I will fight everything and everybody .....
Cindy: Aw..Shaddup, warrior princess. You look like a cat actually.
Zelda: ARE YOU COMPARING ME TO THE DIRTIEST ANIMAL EVER CREATED!!!
Cindy: Owww owww..She's killing me. OMG, my own sister is killing me...humans, Hema, Amma...help

Zelda, Cindy.......Come and have your dinner.

All fights forgotten, two dogs wag their tails to the awesome diwali treat in front of them- curd rice!

walks and wags

" Do you see her?" asked Cindy
" Not yet,  but if we run faster we can" replied Zelda
" But the humans are so slow! We can never catch the gate dogs at this pace." said Cindy

" Don't pull, Stay Zelda Cindy" a clearly exhausted human cried!

" Okay, change of plan, let us walk quietly and slowly. the gate dog will think we aren't there and we can run at the last minute and go catch her!" Devised Zelda

"I like the idea , but I can't control..I want to run , run , run! I am running!" A joyous Cindy exclaimed

" uffffff... Now you make me run, run run, I am running too." Zelda joined

" No sign of gate dog. Though her smell is everywhere. What is this new smell! " Cindy sniffed

Lo, Behold! There were three pigs in their line of sight!

OOOOOOooooooOOOOOooooooOOOOOOoooooo, the 2 dogs cried in unison!

They huffed and puffed and tried their best to move towards the pigs, barking their heads off in the process.!

The pigs ran helter- skelter away from the maniac duo.

" I can't believe they escaped! " An angry Zelda shouted , still staring in the same direction.
" Don't worry, they can't go anywhere. Did you see the yummy collection of bones here?" Cindy was drooling over some leftovers.

" Yuck, you insult me and the human by picking through the garbage. Watch out, Hema is gonna hit you hard." Zelda was clearly disgusted with her sister

" Okay, I dropped it. She does seem pretty angry." Cindy admitted defeat

"Lets go inside and find the gate dog.." Zelda was still up for adventure.

" I am gonna poop and pee now.. You better do too..."

" Oh yes, that is why we come here. I easily forget but there are so many distractions anyway."

And off they went about their business with the occasional perking up of ears and concentrated sniffing.

Of dogs and Yoga...

" Babe, I don't read her signs. The body language is confusing! Is she calling us to play?" Cindy was turning her head this way and that.

" Leave her alone. She's trying to do yowga" Zelda replied from the couch

" What's yowga" Cindy was getting more and more confused by the minute here.

" That is one of the things humans do....I don't know why though."

" She definitely is the prettiest human around you know." Cindy lovingly said

" I know, I saw her first!" Zelda was slightly possessive. After all, she was with the humans alone for more than a year .

" Dude, now she is defintely calling me. This is our pose. The ones we signal when we wanna play. I am going in.."Cindy jumped on to the yoga mat!

" awww, Cindy...Don't disturb ..Out ..bad dog" An irritated human voice shooed poor Cindy

" Told you so...Now move away before she starts kicking you."Chuckled Zelda

" I ain't going anywhere babe. She called me here, now she better play with me."Cindy stayed put on the yoga mat.

" Here Cindy, go catch this ball, go go" Hema , the human tried to distract Cindy with an old toy.

" Isn't it my time to smirk, darling Zelda. The human called me to play and no she is.." Cindy had a huge smirk on her face.

" Oh...C'mon you really are dense! She is trying to distract you..Li'l does she know about my inner strength..." Zelda was satisfied about her self control until she saw the toy Hema had thrown.

" Oh you better keep your sly paws off, it is my toy..."

" Oh yeah?? Then come get it....You have to earn it"

The happy human continued her yoga as the happy dogs played with their toy.!

psst...You do know this will continue every day right.. Change yoga poses for heavens' sake!!

What's in a name

" Why am I called Cindy?" Cindy asked her step sister Zelda.

" Now, how would I know that? Why am I called Zelda?"

" That is because, Hema saw you fight away monkeys when you were a pup and named you after a warrior princess. c/mon, she tells this story to everyone who meets us" Cindy replied

" Ahhh...That way, you were so damn thin when she found you, so she named you after a size negative super model..We know this story too.." Zelda replied.

" Sigh, I think we should be happy atleast we weren't named tuffy or fluffy or bellu or chillu. I know how much binju hates his name. He told it really feels sad when his human's name is Sasidharan Rajashekaran, atleast he could have been named a Raja, you know, which means, KING" Cindy exclaimed.

" HAHAHA... I really do like some human names too.. I would want to be called Shilpa if I were a human." Zelda said.

" Oh babe! that is nice, I wouldn't mind being a Shweta anyday either."

" Cool idea. from now on , I am Shilpa, you are Shweta.  Let's teach the humans our name! We will not budge untill they call us Shilpa and Shweta"

" You have a deal sista!!!"

"Zelda....Cindy.....Where are you??" Hema's voice rang out....

" Don't budge, hold fast.. We are training them" Zelda controlled Cindy.

" Oh god! Where do these kids go...? Are they dogs of fur or invisibility coats!" An exasperated Hema exclaimed!

" teehee, this is so much fun..We are training our humans!! Am so thrilled! Now am never gonna budge." Cindy was all smiles!

" Who wants a biscuit??" Hema called out.

Zzzzzzippp and the dogs were there forgetting all about training humans and changing their names.

" Well you know, Zelda isn't a bad name. It definitely is better than Shilpa. I am a warrior after all..My job is to protect these lovely humans" Zelda said through her munching!

" And Who wouldn't wanna be a super model. I still have a good figure." This was Cindy

" Sigh, what nice names we have!"

" Yeah, leave it to the humans to give us nice innovative names!"

" but, I am still very happy not to be a chillu or billu."

" Amen to that"

A normal day!

" You are funny, thinking you could hide under the bed and she wouldn't find you. Even PI from the apartment far away could have sniffed you out" , Remarked Zelda

" Well, I thought Hema is not great with her smell and all. She couldn't smell the thief standing right outside our window ** rolls her eyes towards the sky**" replied Cindy.

" She can very well see your tail stretched so long, you idiot!! Any way, we are caught, shut in this small room. You know she has gone for the shampoo. I feel so demeaned right now. How can we consent to this" Zelda was clearly angry.

" Relax, It is just a bath. It will be done in no time. She is as nervous as us. Can you not sense that?!" Cindy had an air of defeat around her.

The bathroom door opens and the humans enter. Armed with treats n shampoo and buckets of water.

" Who is my good dog! Who is my clean girl!"

Zelda and Cindy howl in exasperation but accept defeat once they are splashed with water.

" Well it is done, you can stop running here and there.." hema tried to calm the recently showered dogs who were running helter- skleter.

" Atleast, the towelling feels good" A sad Zelda exclaimed.

" Do not forget the yummy food that will follow this..Never forget their treats.That's what makes them human. Their ability to give us treats."

" I hate them right now...soooo damn much..Well, who am I kidding.. I love them!" Zelda admitted sheepishly.

Just another day...in a dog's life!